Honesty

WE LIVE IN AN AGE OF TRUTH IN QUESTION.  WHAT IS TRUE?  CHRISTIANS BELIEVE IN AN ABSOLUTE TRUTH, THAT WHICH ORIGINATES IN GOD.  MODERN AMERICANS MAY REFER TO "MY" TRUTH AND "YOUR" TRUTH, A HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE DEFINITION OF THE WORD.  OUR CURRENT CULTURE AGREES, IN LARGE PART, WITH NIETZSCHE WHO WROTE "THERE ARE NO FACTS, ONLY INTERPRETATIONS".  FROM THIS, WE STATE "WHAT'S TRUE FOR YOU MAY NOT BE TRUE FOR ME", A COMMON LICENSE FOR THE EGO.  C.S. LEWIS COMMENTED, "IF YOU LOOK FOR TRUTH, YOU MAY FIND COMFORT IN THE END.  IF YOU LOOK FOR COMFORT, YOU WILL NOT GET EITHER COMFORT NOR TRUTH, ONLY SOFT SOAP AND WISHFUL THINKING TO BEGIN, AND IN THE END, DESPAIR."

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS CANNOT BE BUILT ON SUBJECTIVE TRUTH UNLESS "MY" TRUTH AND "YOUR" TRUTH HAPPEN TO AGREE.  SUBJECTIVE TRUTHS ARE ONLY TRUE FOR THE SUBJECT.  ABSOLUTE TRUTHS REMAIN TRUE ON THE AUTHORITY OF THE ABSOLUTE, NOT THE SUBJECT.  WE ARE SUBJECT TO OUR ABSOLUTE, WORSHIPERS OF OUR GOD.

HONESTY IS A PILLAR OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH OF GOD IS UNIFYING.  IN OUR PURSUIT OF TRUTH, WE NEED HELP DISCOVERING THE ABSOLUTES THAT SOMETIMES SIT RIGHT IN FRONT OF US YET REMAIN UNSEEN.  HONESTY IS HEALTHY FOR A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT POSITIONS THE LOVING PERSONS AS TRUTH-TELLERS AND HOLDS ALL MEMBERS TO GOD'S ABSOLUTE.

A Group Without Honesty

How do I know if my group lacks honesty?

• reluctance to share potentially sensitive information
• minimal accountability to statements or intentions
• conversation leaves the group in unhelpful ways (gossip)
• limited interaction in mentorship, guidance or coaching

Leading In Honesty

honesty does not grow on accident.  if your small group struggles in this area, a plan is needed.  While the four training areas will be helpful in the long run, here are some quick ideas:

• protect your most honest members
• gently confront your least honest members
• set the example (publicly tell the truth about something)
• analyze and adjust your "safe spaces"

Characteristics of Honest Relationships

Over the next twelve months, we'll focus on four characteristics of healthy relationships: vulnerability, accountability, coaching and intervention.  During the month of any particular focus, you'll have an opportunity to dig deep in personal growth, leadership development and application to your specific small group.  You'll be able to work with other small group leaders to discover what is working and not working in their environment.  Click on one of the characteristics below to learn more!

Small Groups Home